FIRST DAUGHTER
I cannot believe that after all these years, I still have not realized what a treasure you are to me, and am still working on my “relationship” with you! What a dork I have been. But you know, maybe that’s the way it always is - two people exploring and changing all the time, and trying to “catch up” with each other.
I grew up in my family as a “middle child”, with an older brother and a younger sister. My dad was very busy as a physician - gone a lot - and my mother was “blessed” with all the usual womanly chores of raising a family, mostly alone without outside help, keeping the home, doing the laundry, housekeeping, shopping and attending all the school functions and ballgames of her three children. There was only one car - in fact we never had but one - and that pretty much tied my mother to the home, and she was always there. Since my brother was older, by three-and a half- years, he pretty much “blazed the trail” in shaping the way we boys would act, and he taught me exactly what I could, and could not, do and get away with it. With my sister being younger, she taught me she would always be the one who was maligned, so never even try to blame something on her, even if she did it, because she was “the baby” and could never do a wrong. So, I learned early-on to be the “peacekeeper” in the family, dodging the bullets of my two siblings. I also developed a cunning tact of arguing my “case” to the last degree to make my point of view known, and accepted. My father decided when I was at the age of ten that I would become the “ultimate trial lawyer”.
Following my father’s example, I decided at a very young age I wanted to be a physician, just like him. But to do this, I determined there would be little room for failure, so I studied diligently, and tried to make the very best grades I could. I also committed myself to memorizing detail, thus becoming more and more of a perfectionist. I determined that every fact and detail was important, and that usually, there was always a best answer at the top of all the other possibilities. In medicine, I had to be right - every time. In spite of all this, I remained just above average in all my endeavors. But that turned out to be just a little bit better than my brother and sister, so I had my niche.
One of the strongest requirements of the study of medicine is that you develop a strong sense of critical thinking. This not only involves looking at all of the possibilities, but also coming to some kind of definite conclusion that leaves the smallest chance for error. With absolutely no formal education in financial matters, because all subjects were strictly based on science, I became “self-taught” in all matters having to do with money. When I graduated from medical school, I had only a vague ides of what “collateral” was. Thanks to Sam Walton, I learned in a hurry! Since my family was never blessed with wealth, being strictly “middle class, I never knew what it would be like to have unlimited financial resources. Thus, in money matters, I became very conservative. My sweet wife came from a family of even more frugal means, so over-abundant living was never an issue, or even an opportunity.
It may sound strange, but from a man’s viewpoint, when a man thinks of a “family, with children”, he usually envisions having a boy - a son he can mold into a man, someone who can “follow in his footsteps, someone he can share “guy-stuff” with. It’s hard to imagine a girl, or a daughter, because she is a girl, and we don’t even know what a girl or daughter should be. Since we are men, and feel we know pretty much how a boy would think, this is what a man thinks about in his child. So, in our own clumsy way, we treat a daughter as a “half-boy”. There is no way a daughter can grow up in this ambivalent atmosphere and know who, or what, she actually is to her father. Even after all these years, it looks like I’m still trying to figure all this out, because sometimes I treat you as a woman, a daughter, and sometimes like a man - my daughter. How awkward! How frustrating that must be for you!
But you know what? As time goes on, I’m beginning to realize how much, for better or worse, you are just like me! I think your sister is too, God help her. You have the same reverence for our God, devotion to family, love of nature and all it’s glory, guts and determination, perseverance, persistence in duty, and perhaps not as comfortably, my insistence on critical thought. This created in you my penchant for argument for argument and debate. We must absolutely argue an issue until we are sure the other side has seen and carefully considered our viewpoint, because we know down deep inside - we are right. This is probably where your son gets this too. But on the other hand, through the example of your devoted mother, you have become a beautiful and gracious lady, with her same conscience, compassion, devotion to family, friends and community. What a tremendous woman you have become!
It seems strange how we grow up and live our lives as an amalgamation of where we came from, and what we have experienced. But maybe this letter will give you a little better idea of where I came from, why I am as I am, and why I treat you as I do. And my love for you is total, complete and eternal.
I guess you have to accept me as I am , but I will probably continue to try to make you, and me, “perfect”. For that, I pray you’ll forgive me. God has blessed me with you, which is beyond all measure.
And I’ll tell you something else. You are flat-dead gorgeous, and one of the most beautiful and loving “girl-boys” a man could ever have! And I love you with all of my whole heart. And I’d give my very life for you - in a nanosecond.
I am so lucky - - - - -
Dad
